1、空口无凭，吃饭为据。

According to a verbal statement without any proof, eat*

2、打死你，我也不会说。

Kill you, I won't say*

3、揍你个性生活不能自理！

Beat your personal life can not take care of themselves!

4、我是耶稣他儿子，椰子！

I am Jesus, his son, coconut!

5、初恋无限好，只是挂得早。

First love infinite good, just hang up early*

6、一时的冲动，子孙的危机！

A momentary impulse, a descendant of the crisis!

7、我最大的缺点，就是缺点钱。

My greatest weakness is that I'm a fault*

8、这个人很懒，什么都没留下。

The man is so lazy that nothing is left*

9、我和你不一样，因为我是人。

I am not the same as you, because I am a person*

10、醒是一回事，起床又是一回事。

Waking is one thing, getting up is another*

11、电脑玩多了，看电视都想快进。

The computer to play more, watching TV all want to fast forward*

12、顾客不是上帝，顾客只是上当。

The customer is not God, the customer is only*

13、贱女就是矫情，贱男就是多情。

Female base is hypocritical, shizuo is full of affection*

14、坏人需要实力，败类更需要品位。

Bad guys need strength, scum need grade*

15、找不到我喜欢的伞，我宁愿淋湿。

I can't find my love umbrella, I would rather get wet*

16、人要脸，树要皮，电线杆子要水泥。

Human face, tree bark, wire pole to cement*

17、我的精神分裂好了，我和我都很好。

My spirit is good, I'm fine with me*

18、男人有钱就变坏，女人变坏就有钱。

When men have money, they go bad*

19、起那么早干嘛？夜总会还没开门呢！

What are you doing up so early? The nightclub is not open yet!

20、老娘变天鹅的时候，你还是个蛋呢。

When I become a swan, or your eggs*

21、把你的铁石心肠含在我的樱桃小口中。

Put you in my heart of stone containing cherry small mouth*

22、生活就是我妈生出来，我必须活下去。

Life is my mother's life, I must live*

23、我不是随便的人，我随便起来不是人。

I'm not a casual person, I'm not a man*

24、没什么事不要找我，有事更不用找我。

No things don't look for me, something more don't need to find me*

25、我那么钟爱你，你钟爱我一下会死啊。

I so love you, you love me will die*

26、春不是叫出来的，是真刀真枪干出来的！

Spring is not called out, the real thing is done!

27、我跟伍佰不熟，他弟弟二百五跟我很熟。

I'm not familiar with Wu Bai, his brother was familiar with me two hundred and fifty*

28、最是夜深人静时，思念才变得如此放肆。

Is the night, thoughts have become so presumptuous*

29、我要努力攒钱，争取买一个自动取款机。

I want to save money, to buy an automatic teller machine*

30、我又不是人民币，怎样能让人人都钟爱我？

I am not the RMB, how can let everyone love me?

31、人生得意须尽欢，过了山海关都是赵本山。

Life is proud to be happy, over Shanhaiguan is Zhao Benshan*

32、你那副正经的样子，貌似真的听懂人话呐！

You're a real person, you really understand!

33、一个人最大的悲哀，就是不愿意做他自己。

One of the greatest sorrow, is not willing to do his own*

34、如果你曾歌颂黎明，那么也请你拥抱刘德华。

If you ever sing the dawn, then also ask you to embrace Andy Lau*

35、孤单是一个人的狂欢，狂欢是一群人的孤单！

Lonely is a person's Carnival, carnival is a group of people alone!

36、你出生后是不是被扔上去次，但只被接住次？

Were you born to be thrown into a second, but only caught?

37、缴手机费时，才知道，原来我的话这么值钱。

Pay phone to take time, just know, my words so valuable*

38、信你一成，双目失明；信你两成，无期徒刑。

Believe that you are a blind eye*

39、人生只有走出来的美丽，没有等出来的辉煌！

Life only come out of the beautiful, not so brilliant!

40、上学最开心的一句话就是：今天班主任不在。

The most happy to go to school is: today the class teacher is not in*

41、上帝说：出门不要忘记带伞

/

God said: do not forget the umbrella out, while I have to water the flowers*

42、人世间最蛋疼的事儿，正在做美梦呢被尿憋醒。

The world's most egg pain thing, is to do the dream is to wake up*

43、毁灭友情的方式有许多，最彻底的一种是借钱。

There are many ways to destroy the friendship, the most complete one is to borrow money*

44、青春就想为卫生纸，看着挺多，用着，还嫌少。

As a youth is like toilet paper, looking very much, with too few*

45、那天刚睡着，收到一个短信：睡姿不对，重睡。

The day just fell asleep, received a message: the sleeping position, heavy sleep*

46、人生就是一个大市场，人在里面都是买这卖那。

Life is a big market, people in which are sold to buy it*

47、孔子说，三人行，必有我妻。择其靓者而娶之。

Kong Zi said, the three men will be my wife* Choose their beautiful and marry the*

48、时间对了，地址对了，情感对了，却缔造人物不对！

Time is right, the address is right, and the feeling is right!

49、我们每个人都是梦想家，当梦走了，就只剩想家了。

Everyone is a dreamer, when the dream is gone, only to home*

50、昨天去市里参加放鸽子比赛，结果就我一个人去了。

Yesterday I went to the city to attend the pigeon competition, the result is a man went to the*

51、视金钱如粪土，但所有的人都在争着做粪土收藏家。

Money like dirt, but all the people are scrambling to do dirt collector*

52、人家减肥减腰减**，为什么你非要从脑细胞开始。

People lose weight minus waist, why you need to start from brain cells*

53、请你不要说持子之手与子偕老因为我还要黑发飘飘。

Please don't hold hands with you because I have black hair fluttering*

54、大部分人一辈子只做三件事：自欺、欺人、被人欺。

Most people only do three things: a lifetime of self deception, deceptive, be bullied*

55、哥，哥，哥，考试信春哥，不用做功课，保我不挂科。

Brother, brother, brother, exam nobuharu brother, never do homework, I do not fail the exam*

56、你什么时候请我吃饭，一会我就出去给你买袋干脆面。

When you ask me to have dinner, then I'll go out and buy you a bag*

57、平时骂你就算了，非要等我打你，才知道我文武双全。

I scold you even, than I hit you, just know me but*

58、在美人面前：有危险要救，没有危险制造危险也要救。

In the face of beauty: there is a danger to save, there is no danger to create a dangerous*

59、不要说你不认识我，刚好我也不认识你，真是缘分啊！

Do not say that you do not know me, just I do not know you, really love ah!

60、闭上眼，幻想着与你一起慢慢变老的画面。黯然泪下。

Close your eyes and imagine that you're slowly getting old together with you* Cry*

/

61、打雷的时候，站在大树底下，对老天爷说，我也要穿越！

When it thunders, standing under a tree, for God said, I also want to cross!

62、太压抑不好凡事适可而止不太过份你可以当什么事都没有。

Bad things too depressed without too much when you can not overdo sth* what did not*

63、我知道，天下无不散宴席，可是，至少，宴席上我要吃得爽！

I know that the world is a good feast, but, at least, I want to eat a good!

64、跟你很熟吗？没事弹个视频，当是你家电视啊，一按就出人。

Do you know well? It's OK to play a video, when it's your home TV, one by one*

65、每个人出生时都是原创的，但可悲的是，很多人渐渐活成了盗版

Every person was born with the original, but sadly, many people gradually became piracy

66、十年知己却不知你心里想的是什么那爱情让我们都猜不透了吧！

Ten years, but I do not know your heart is what the love let us can not guess it!

67、在埃及，一个男人可以娶四个老婆，那得多累啊，还是中国好。

In Egypt, a man can marry four wives, and that much more tired, or china*

68、你大脑抽筋，小脑打结，中枢神经变态，我劝你还是**算了。

Your brain cramps, cerebellar knot, central nervous, I advise you or suicide*

69、老师讲完课后道：还有哪不懂？我伸个懒腰道：老师这节什么课啊。

The teacher finished the lesson: do not understand? I stretch: the teacher what class ah*

70、我正被川大强奸着，现在我唯一能做的就是最大限度地把姿势摆对！

I was Sichuan rape, the only thing I can do now is to maximize the pose of!

71、股市是有经验的人获得很多金钱，有金钱的人获得很多经验的地方。

The stock market is a lot of experience of people get a lot of money, people get a lot of money to get a lot of experience*

72、暗恋是一种礼貌，自恋是一种骄傲，明恋是一种格调不恋是种味道。

Love is a kind of courtesy, narcissism is a kind of pride, love is a kind of style is not love is a kind of taste*

73、宅男宅女标准：在床上以电脑为圆心，以胳膊长为半径拿取物品活动。

Indoorsman Indoorswoman standard: in bed with computer as the center, with long arms as the radius of taking goods activities*

74、夏日来临祝你：百事可乐美年达，非常可乐冰红茶，可口可乐娃哈哈。

I wish you a summer season: Pepsi Cola, Mirinda, Cola Ice Black Tea Wahaha, Coca-Cola*

75、我身边的朋友们啊，你们快点出名吧，这样我的回忆录就可以畅销了。

My friends around me, you quickly became famous, so my memoirs can be sold*

76、走到考场全崩溃，见到卷子全流泪。背的东西全不考，考的东西全不会。

Go to the examination room full collapse, see paper full of tears* Back to the things of the exam, the exam will not*

77、最卑贱不过感情，最凉薄不过人心。谢谢你的笑容，让我看不清你的心。

But the most humble feelings, the most cool thin but the people* Thank you for your smile, let me see your heart*

78、卖花的小姑娘拉着我，说道：大哥哥，买花吧，一看就知道你是花心的人。

The little girl took me, said: big brother, flowers, see that you are the person*

79、问一个淡淡的问题：鸟儿为什么爱在电线上排排坐？最佳解释是在线才能聊天。

Ask a question: why do birds faint love sit in on line? The best explanation is online to chat*

80、把头扎高，把零食丢掉，把手机放下，把眼泪擦干，别折腾自己，姑娘你还有未来。

The snack bar head, throw away the mobile phone down, dry your eyes, don't torture yourself, girl you have a future*